Ground Hog Day

I think the Winter of my discontent may be over.  I'm now working at a job I truly enjoy with a great manager at Ethan Allen. I am going to school full time at Empire State College.  The courses are a challenge for me math and marketing) but I can handle it.  It's only one year, then I'll be done.

Lydia is happy at the Susan Odell Taylor School in Troy.  She loves her new baby sitter Jean and OVA.  She still hates piano, but is sticking with it and I'm proud of her.  She's begun snowboarding this year and still loves to ice skate and swim.

I have a show at The Sand Lake Center for the Arts this November and I need to get going with a concept.  I think I may just start by drawing some chairs in Ethan Allen's showroom.

It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets.

William Thomas said this and I think it is as true for me as for most people.  In the past year I have lost friends, broken a bone, lost work and opportunities.  However, I have also made new friends,  healed my wound and resolved to return to school in 2010.

I am sure that most people perceive me as a little bit crazy, but I do the best I can with what has been given to me.  I love my beautiful daughter with all my heart and will do anything in order to keep her life on even keel.  It's not easy and I make huge mistakes all the time.  I forgive myself and best of all, she forgives me.

Michael Cane nailed it recently in Is Anybody There: "Regrets mount and stick to you like old bruises."  My aging father once told me: "I could eat regret for the rest of my life and never go hungry."  I do understand.  Our words and actions are all that we have to show the world the person we are.  When we become derailed we disappoint, ourselves and others.  It is best to try hard to stay on track.

Core de Lion Dolls, by: MaMo

 Available at The Arts Center of the Capital Region's "The Shop" through the Holiday season.  Priced $28-32.00

A Kind of Early Re-Cap 2000-2010

In a few months we'll all be inundated with articles about the first decade of the millennium, so I thought I'd get a jump start.  Mine may begin with a few personal facts, but stay with me, there's a point.

Remember how everyone was scared to travel on New Year's Eve 2000 because of the idea of terrorist threats?  That year I went to Portugal and Spain over Christmas and became engaged to my daughter's father.  We flew back from Madrid on New Year's Eve 2000.  The airports were empty, we were upgraded to first class and in general had the best flying experience of our lives.

That summer, we married on the solstice in June, outdoors in Hudson, everyone one came to the wedding.  Nine months later, I had my first and only child, Lydia Rose.  Six months after that I held her in my arms as I watched the World Trade Center burn and crumble before my eyes on Good Morning America.  Like everyone, I feel this has special meaning for me.  Unlike everyone, I had worked on the 103rd floor of 2 World Trade Center for 5 years in the late 1980s.  The pain I felt was poignant.  The pride of my youth burned before my eyes.

The next day I thought, Bush is going to want to start a war, so what can I do?  I thought about my baby.  I went to the flower shop and bought lots of daisies.  With Lydia strapped to my chest on Sept 12, 2001, I walked down Warren Street in Hudson, handing daisies to everyone I saw and said: "Peace" each time until the daisy's were gone.  I had nightmares or the worst kind for a while.  I organized a candle lit peace vigil in Hudson at the promenade.

Since that day, I've divorced, owned my own business, fallen in love several times, begun to raise my daughter, displayed art work, bought my first home, learned to make pottery, closed my own business, taught disabled adults, volunteered at the food co-op, quit several jobs, got fired from one and am trying very hard to remain hopeful in the face of adversity.  I don't feel economic stimulation.  The only stimulation I feel at all is when I remember to apply Woody Allen's philosophy: 90% of success is showing up.  So I do at whenever there is something to show up for.  Birthday parties, art openings, school functions, work, making art, making dinner, making dates, making breakfast, making beds...

There was to be a point in all this, maybe I was going to fashion bash or bitch about how kids are on their computers too much, or I-Pods, or cell phones, or about over consumerism, or why people still drive those big gas guzzlers, or how to live sustainably.

The point may be that people just don't allow themselves to get real much anymore.  I guess that love is the point I want to make.  I want to make it, again and again.  Not just with a man, but with the world and I'm scared that we are all losing our ability to do so.  We are becoming a race of isolated, unfeeling individuals who are too scared or to paralyze by polarity to let our guard down enough to physically reach out to other individuals.  It stings and stinks.  A little kindness please.

Baring this in mind, here are my cultural thoughts on the decade:

Wall-E or The Visitor were the best movie to have been released this decade.  UGG boots, but cracks showing and thong panties will never be classic. The return of the O sunglasses is a beacon of hope for style.  The saddest death of a star, Natasha Richardson.  Most impressive exhibition of Art: Kara Walker @ the Whitney 2007. Best concert: Paul Simon in Cooperstown on 4th of July 2006.  Most hopeful effort on the part of Americans, the election of Barack Obama.  Best quote: "Be kind whenever possible, it is always possible." Dali Lama.

When Are We Getting Out?

This was the title my third grade daughter gave to a narrative she wrote in school last week about the time she and a friend were locked inside the bathroom at a local coffee shop.  They were in a panic inside the bathroom, while her friend's grandfather sat obliviously outside the bathroom drinking coffee and conversing with the manager.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but this seems like a metaphor for the times if ever I saw one.Last week I completed training as a temporary driver for Federal Express Ground.  I'll be driving a truck for them through the holidays.  I was paid minimum wage during training, but will now make a whoppin' $10.50 an hour through Kelly Temporary Services, not FedEx.  If a truck contractor decides they want to pick me up as a second driver, I have a chance to make a little more.  My brother, who used to work as an independent contractor says "Don't count on much more from them, they're mercenaries!" No benefits. No health insurance.

As a mom, I have to take this work now.  I'm not alone in the bathroom after all and it's all I can find.

Outside, sits our government and the bankers, drinking their coffee, apparently oblivious to all the pain and suffering going on in our country.  I don't believe we are in a recession, I believe we are in a depression.  Up the revolution!  Open the doors and let us out!